I Can’t – He Can – Let Him

In 1967 I was fresh out of the Army Security Agency and well into my three years of living in rebellion. My life was full of drugs and the hippy lifestyle. I knew I belonged to Jesus, but I had deliberately chosen to rebel because I was disillusioned and disappointed with the church. I was living in Amarillo, Texas with my wife, best friend JD, and his wife. The four of us were heavy drug users.

One day JD and I were on our way to Mexico to score a load of grass. We made sure we were straight and clean. No drugs for the day. There was another man in the car with us, but to this day I do not remember who he was, why he was with us, or where he went when we got to Mexico. I was driving our red Volkswagen Bug, with JD next to me and the other guy in the back seat. To pass the time we told stories. It was my turn and JD asked me, “Paul, why don’t you tell us some more of those wild stories about the end of the world”? So I began, “JD, you must understand that the Book of Revelation is written about the man, the Lord Jesus Christ.” As soon as I said those words, I was no longer in the car. I found myself standing before the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, right before His throne. I was directly facing Him, only a few feet away. Jesus looked into my eyes and asked, “Paul, who is running your life?” I shot up my hand like a third grader and answered, “I am.” When I tell you that you cannot lie to Jesus in heaven, that statement falls short. Telling of anything in heaven seems to fall short of the reality that is there. You don’t tell lies because the concept is not there. My answer was not bold or brave, just fact. I was running my own life. Jesus, still looking into my eyes, then asked, “Are you happy?” My heart broke. I mean, I knew I was miserable. Jesus did not waste any time and made this statement to me. “Paul, I want your life.” I was completely undone. I was unmade. I did not die or anything like that, but I was just undone as a human. Looking into Jesus’ eyes I answered Him with, “Jesus, you can have my life on four conditions. One, I do not know what is right and wrong. Two, You do. Three, I will not change anything I am doing. Four, You tell me and I will change.”

Bang, I am back in the car and JD is screaming, “Paul, where did you go? Where have you been?” I quickly pulled the car over to the side of the road and told the two of them, “JD, I have just been to heaven with Jesus. And you are a sinner on your way to hell. The wages of sin is death, but God has given us life in Jesus Christ.” I went on to present what we Baptists called the Roman’s Road to Salvation. JD and the guy in the back both prayed the sinner’s prayer and off we went to score our drugs.

I had a deal in Mexico with a farmer and buying the drugs was as easy as driving to his house and driving back across the border. As we were going through U.S. Customs, for some reason they gave us a really hard time. This had never happened before. They finally let us go after a very thorough search of us and the car. As I was driving over the bridge to the U.S., I knew that I knew Jesus was not happy with what I had just done. So,I said to Jesus, “Well, I guess this is the first thing you want me to change. I will never do this again”.


To be continued:

The Rock

The Rock

I was in the Spirit floating over a body of water. It was a large lake. I was about 15 feet above the surface of the water. Looking up, I witnessed a big rock drop out of the sky. As the rock passed by me I began to travel with it as it continued toward the water. Down through the water’s surface the rock plunged, falling to the lake’s floor. I plunged into the lake along with the rock until I was several feet above the bottom of the lake. I had been surprised by the falling rock and delighted to be able to fall with it into the water. I have had dreams in which I could breathe under water, but those were just dreams and here I was really breathing under water. I felt the water flow into my lungs but it it did not burn nor did I choke. As I floated below the lake’s surface I was keenly aware that the rock’s plunge into the lake was effecting change throughout the whole lake. There was not just one huge ripple that spread out from where the rock dropped, but several concentric rings rippled across the surface above me. In fact, all of the water in the lake was responding to the rock. The Holy Spirit moved me along the lake’s bottom toward shore. I watched the vegetation sway. The sand and even rocks were moved out of their places. Some were washed away and others only slightly rolled with the pressure of the moving water. The lake was alive with movement. As the crest of the first small wave washed upon the shore the movement began to sway back towards the point where the rock entered the lake. Everything that had moved toward the shore now rolled back in the opposite direction, though the impact was slowly weakening.

The vision stopped and the Lord said to me, “Paul, this is the way it is with prophecy.  The word is spoken and the power plunges into earth’s time. Everything is affected. You can spend years looking at the effects of my spoken word. All is affected. But Paul, I want you to FOLLOW THE ROCK. I AM the Rock.”

I understood what He was saying to me. He is more important than what is revealed about Him. The spirit of prophecy is the testimony of Jesus. It is all about Him.

I follow the Rock. I love Him more than what He says, yet how can I help but also love what He is saying.